Brendan Jesus
Four episodes into Season 4 of Creepshow so far and we haven’t gotten many standout cameos. Episode 4 did bring us Lochlyn Munro, but it’s a little sad we haven’t gotten anyone the likes of David Arquette, Justin Long, Hannah Fierman, Adrienne Barbeau, Giancarlo Esposito… I could continue but you get the point. I’m not saying Creepshow needs cameos by any means, it’s just a nice addition when we get them. Episode 5 finally brings us a heavy-hitter cameo with Tom Atkins! Man, he’s still looking sharp. Let’s jump right in.
“Something Borrowed, Something Blue”
Written by Todd Spence and Zak White // Directed by John Esposito
We open with Frank (Tom Atkins) writing a letter to his daughter Allison (Kristy Dawn Dinsmore). The letter states, in a haphazardly written previously on exposition dump, it has been 15 years since they’d seen each other last, that she’s his only child and he’s dying and he would just love to see her one last time. Allison and Ryan (Curtis Lum) read this letter in their sweltering 104-degree apartment. Oh, did I mention Frank wrote his letter from his gigantic mansion? All Frank wants is brunch, is that too much to ask? For Allison, it is. On the other hand, Ryan thinks she should do it so she doesn’t regret it after his passing.
Allison tells Ryan it will take more than a Sunday brunch to fix their relationship. It turns out her mother died 15 years ago (which will come back into play later, sort of). When her mother died, Frank had Allison shipped off to boarding school. Not wanting to give in to his manipulative ways, Allison says she’ll never see him again.
Cut to: Ryan and Allison drive up the long driveway to Frank’s house. Pretty quickly into their time with Frank, Ryan is blinded by Frank’s wealth. Frank does acknowledge how bad of a father he was. He can’t change the past, but he can try and make their future more bearable. Ryan sees money signs when Frank tells them everything he has, the money, land, yachts, will be all theirs when he dies. On one condition, he wants Allison and Ryan to get married in three weeks at his mansion. Allison reveals their plan to elope and Frank is infuriated. Frank begins absolutely degrading Allison by alluding that her job as a substitute teacher has no purpose and that she’ll be poor forever.
Having enough of her father, Allison goes out to the car. That’s when things get… spooky. Frank takes Ryan to a secret room. As they get close to the room we see a framed newspaper saying “9.1 kills over 1,000 residents.” Finally at the room, Frank says “If you had 1,000 guesses [what’s in the room] you’d never come close.” They arrive at a locked vault door, a deep hole emits a giallo-like red light between the holes in the slotted grate atop it.
Frank reveals the insidious creature that dwells beneath: The Minhocão. He describes the creature as a being that lays dormant below the surface of the earth, something that’s been here since before the beginning of time. It has countless black eyes, razor-sharp mandibles, and unmatched hostility. Frank refers back to the newspaper in the hallway, claiming it’s because the Minhocão wasn’t fed, as it needs to eat a human once every 15 years. After a life of guardianship, since he was 16, Frank realized he needed someone to take over his duties. Who better to manipulate than his estranged daughter and her fiance? Ryan gets to see Frank’s manipulation first-hand when Frank tells Ryan that at some point Allison will realize he can’t provide for her and will start to resent him. After, Frank tells Ryan that the only way to have a happy marriage together is if he can convince Allison to have the wedding at his house. Say yes to the wedding and money, or say no to the beginning of a failing relationship. The choice is yours.
Later that night, Allison and Ryan talk about Frank. Ryan wants to know why Allison always said her dad was dead. Why wouldn’t they want all of his money? It seems like the proper way to get back at his absence. If my father called me up and said I could have all of his money if I got married at his house, I’d do it. Would it make up for his bad parenting skills? Nope. But I’d at least have some money for a shopping spree or something. Anyways. Ryan tries telling Allison that all of Frank’s property is rightfully hers. Allison still isn’t having it.
Three weeks later, we’re at Frank’s house for their wedding. Frank tells Ryan just to act normal and to find someone at the wedding party who won’t be missed at all. There are some questionably directed we’re-having-so-much-fun-at-this-wedding shots and that’s when Frank makes it obvious that it’s time. Ryan asks him how to do it and Frank hands him a tiny packet of white powder. All Ryan has to do is slip it in someone’s drink and then take them down to the vault. Easy as pie. Surely he’s going to have a difficult time picking someone, right? Wrong. Ryan decides to pick his drunk cousin Daryl (Bernie Yao) who’s acting a fool. Bernie Yao’s acting might be just as bad as King Bach from Episode 3 Season 2. If this was a choice by the filmmaker then it was not a great choice. It’s incredibly hard to watch every scene with Daryl in it. “Yeah, that’s the point.” Okay? It’s still atrocious to watch so the point is moot.
Oh, and I haven’t mentioned it yet, but every time Frank talks about the Minhocão he tells Ryan that Allison can never know. This, too, will come back later.
Ryan spikes Daryl’s drink, while he’s waiting for the drug to kick in they flail around on the dance floor. Allison sits down and thanks Frank for everything he has done. His response is, “See that wasn’t so hard was it?” Like bro, just take the win and be a decent human. Allison also mentions how weird it is to see Ryan having fun with his cousin because he apparently hates Daryl. The drug finally kicks in and Ryan takes Daryl away, ready to fulfill his new duty in life.
Once in the vault, Ryan seems to have reservations about what he’s going to do. Which will directly contradict what comes later. Daryl sits on the edge of the hole and falls backward on his own volition; Ryan attempts to save him by grabbing his belt, but it’s too late. Daryl has been fed to the Minhocão. Frank comes down to congratulate him and they go to have a finger of whiskey to celebrate. What’s this now? Frank starts getting a little woozy and then passes out on Ryan!
Frank wakes up in the wilderness, tied to a chair. Allison and Ryan stand beside him. It turns out the 9.1 magnitude “earthquake” that happened in 1926 actually destroyed Ryan’s family’s house. In fact, Ryan has a Minhocão all of his own, which he apparently told Allison about on their first date. Hmm, what an icebreaker. Allison says after their brunch three weeks ago Ryan told her all about Frank’s plan, so they plotted. We also find out the Minhocão Frank has is just a baby and the one Ryan has is the mother! At this point, though it’s never said, there’s a realization that Frank fed Allison’s mom to the Minhocão. Frank is thrown into the pit to be Minhocão food for the next 15 years.
Allison and Ryan go back to their new home, and who walks out the front door? Daryl! He escaped the Minhocão pit! The clock strikes midnight, and they realize what’s about to happen. The Minhocão shoots up through the center of the mansion and unleashes itself onto the unsuspecting world.
This segment was a solid segment with a great story and twist. A lot of it feels marred by some pretty bad acting, and Tom “The Legend” Atkins can only pull so much weight. The visuals of the pit do an excellent job of creating the insidiousness of the Minhocão, while still keeping everything up to the viewer’s imagination until the very end. Waiting to see the creature until the very last frames completely sells the build-up to that moment. At its core, “Something Borrowed, Something Blue” is the epitome of what Creepshow stands for and is a more than worthy installment into the world of Creepshow.
“Doodles”
Written by Zak White and Todd Spence // directed by P.J. Pesce
Sonia (Tina Grant) walks into a large office building that contains the offices for Timeless magazine. First off, we’re met with a questionable directing/lighting choice. Inside the office, the top half of the image is a Saw-like yellow hue, while the bottom half is just regular muted colors? It lasts for an incredibly long time. Maybe it’s not a choice because it happens only a few times, so did they just not go back and fix it? It immediately takes the viewer out of whatever place “Something Borrowed” put them in.
Anyways. Sonia walks up to Angela (Anja Savcic), who is sitting outside Timeless CEO Roger Barton’s (Tyler McClendon) office, with a slew of other wannabe cartoonists. Out of nowhere, Sonia tells Angela that Roger isn’t as mean as he’s made out to be. In fact, Sonia, who is Timeless’s go-to cartoonist, tells Angela she’d even take a look at her work. The image Angela shows her is something that could best be described as 2001: A Cellphone Odyssey. Sonia tells Angela the piece is nice, but that it’s not timely, then gets up and goes into Roger’s office. Taken aback by this, Angela rips up her best print.
Roger finally commands Angela into his office and, whodathunk it, Roger is as mean as they say he is. It turns out one of Angela’s friends from Centralia (high school? college?), Calvin (David Lennon), works for Roger. Calvin tells Angela, while Roger takes a phone call, that Roger has only seen one piece he likes so far today. Roger takes a gander through Angela’s image book and isn’t happy with any of it. He shows Angela what he’s looking for, it was a quick sketch that just somehow came to Sonia while they were talking… it’s a complete ripoff of Angela’s 2001: A Cellphone Odyssey. Roger says Sonia is “a true singular talent,” and that “you can’t pay rent with mediocrity,” which is something Sonia also said to Angela earlier.
Later that night, Angela sulks at home, questioning what she should do with her life. Sonia’s words, and things she imagines Sonia saying, ring through her head. Angela pulls out a copy of Timeless that has Sonia’s photo in it. She starts doodling things like blood surrounding Sonia and her eyes gouged out. The very next morning Angela receives a text from Calvin, Roger has opened submissions back up. Why you may ask? Well, Sonia was in an accident and died. We see a photo of the accident and it looks bit-for-bit like what Angela sketched over her portrait.
Angela goes back to the office, which now has normal lighting that doesn’t make the top half of the image look yellow? I still don’t get that. Roger looks through Angela’s new sketches and finds himself impressed. For some reason. He offers Angela the job, but there’s one thing she needs to do. NO NOT THAT. Thankfully. Roger tells Angela that to become the new cartoonist she must fire Calvin. See, Timeless isn’t just a magazine. If Angela wants this, she has to prove her loyalty to Timeless. Angela can’t bring herself to fire Calvin, thus losing out on her dream job.
After storming out of the office, Angela goes down to the bar that’s seemingly in the lobby of this office building. Fun office, eh? She orders a double of J&B. While she skulls her drink she starts doodling over Roger’s portrait. The bartender notices Angela is pretty upset about something and pours her a shot, on the house. This doodle over Roger’s face is absolutely brutal and definitely from a place of vehement, and understandable, anger. From behind Angela, we see something… a man falls down, his skull splattering into one viscous pile of blood and viscera. This is shown through a beautiful split diopter shot. It’s Roger. Angela hurries home and gets rid of her art supplies. She’s starting to connect the dots.
A few days later, Angela goes back to the Timeless office, where the awful lighting is back, so she can tell Calvin she’s leaving town and going home. But why? Calvin wonders, because they are finally publishing her cartoon! How did this happen? Roger’s death resulted in Calvin being promoted to the EIC! In fact, he wants Angela on as their cartoonist, full-time! Angela is beyond happy and says she wants to take Calvin out to dinner to celebrate. After Angela leaves the office building, the bartender comes up to Calvin. See, after Angela saw Roger’s death she left the building without taking any of her things. The bartender gives her stuff to him so he can return them later. That’s when Calvin sees Angela’s doodle over Roger.
Calvin comes over that night, magazine in hand, asking Angela what it’s all about. Angela says it’s just a doodle, but Calvin thinks she’s hiding something. Wanting all this to end, Angela goes into her room and locks the door. She tells Calvin to go away and he tells her he’ll call the cops if she doesn’t come out. Suddenly, Angela gets an idea. The yearbook. She pulls out her yearbook and flips to Calvin’s page. The hurried sketch is revealed to show a champagne bottle deep in Calvin’s neck. Calvin goes quiet. Angela opens the door to find him dead on the ground in a pool of blood with a bottle in his neck. But, oh no… Angela’s photo is directly behind his on the next page… and she drew so hard the page ripped. A bottle appears stabbed in Angela’s neck as well. She falls to the ground, dead.
Honestly, with exception of the awful lighting, “Doodles” is a really excellent segment. It doesn’t have the cheese factor a lot of segments in Creepshow have, but it still works really well. Every aspect, with exception of the awful lighting, works here. The practical effects are superb. Both bottles to the neck look exceptional, and there’s a heap of blood that has been somewhat lacking through the season thus far. Unquestionably the best kill goes to Roger. It must have just been a blood-filled dummy because not a single part of that looks digital. The splat, and the splatter, are the icing on the cake for the effect.
