Saskia Nislow
Previously on Dragula
Astrud and Melissa fight, everyone has basic bitch problems, the Boulets ruin Vicki’s prom, and Abhora just can’t get enough of hell.
Intro! This week, I’m the devil-head bottle stopper.
A two-sided triangle
Welcome to episode 6 of Dragula: Titans! In the boudoir, the ghouls mourn Abhora’s second and final(?) departure from the competition. Just kidding! Everyone, even HoSo and Astrud, seems relieved that at least one member of the Bermuda love triangle is gone. Well, almost everyone. Koco, unconvinced, says, “I don’t really think that’s gonna fix the tension because these girls don’t realize they are the tension.”
In a bid to prove her right, Astrud makes a passive-aggressive joke to HoSo about being cuter than HoSo’s partner and HoSo immediately gets annoyed.
Anyways…
“It’s come to our attention that none of you have really gotten your asses kicked this season”
Or so Little Boulet claims (though Astrud, Erika, and Abhora might beg to differ.) To remedy this, the Boulets are bringing back another of my favorite challenges from Season 1—the wrestling challenge! This week, the monsters will have to come up with wrestling-look concepts, customize an Arda wig to accompany it, and choreograph a team fight.
The teams will be chosen by this week’s Fright Feat winner, but before we get to that…
“This is why drag queens aren’t paid to think”
…more boudoir antics!
Everyone’s playing around with wigs and getting ready to fight. Melissa fondly reminisces about absolutely wrecking Xochi Mochi’s sh*t in season 1’s mud wrestling extermination and hopes she’ll get to do the same to Astrud this week.
Astrud’s down, hoping that a little brawl might help bring the two of them closer together. Koco thinks this plan is insane. “The only thing I see happening is Melissa destroying Astrud,” says HoSo with a smile.
Fright Feat
This week’s Fright Feat is…arm wrestling? I guess I’m getting what I wished for when I asked for no more gross eating challenges, but this seems a little flaccid. I wonder if there are any constraints coming from production that are making the Fright Feats so lukewarm.
Regardless, the ghouls get ready to wrestle, and everyone’s feeling a little hot and bothered about it. HoSo and Victoria are up first, with a predictable winner.
“Congrats Vicki, you get a free win.” – HoSo
Evah vs. Koco is next with Koco, somewhat less predictably, destroying Evah.
”I need a cigarette.” – Evah
Melissa easily overpowers Astrud and Koco very easily overpowers Victoria. Finally, we’re left with Koco and Melissa. Though this seems at first like it’ll be a tough, competitive match, Koco sweeps it immediately. This means that Koco, who’s looking great and strong in her little Donatella wig, gets to choose teams. HoSo says she thinks Koco will be fair.
Koco: “I’m gonna stack the teams unfairly.”
A “little primer on violence”
Our unfair teams—Koco/Evah/Melissa vs. Astrud/HoSo/Victoria—head to get a lesson in “rehearsed violence” from stunt-coordinator Emmy, whom I love immediately. Everyone throws their back into it and realizes that this is more of a team challenge than anything.
After their coaching session, they discuss how to match up for the fight. Astrud and Melissa are an easy pair, and Koco claims she has some tension to work out with Victoria after last week (though the nature of this tension is unclear…) This leaves HoSo and Evah to face each other.
“So, HoSo,” Evah asks, “What about us? What do we have?”
“Mutual respect for each other,” HoSo replies, making me laugh.
As everyone gets to work on their outfits, we learn that HoSo’s look is inspired by beetles, Melissa’s inspired by Chyna (yes!), and Evah’s inspired by…herself! She’s basing her character on the fact that she had thick thighs. True bimbo behavior. I love it.
“Really working that cloaca tonight!”
Back on the main stage, we get to watch the Boulets show off their fantastic looks this week before getting introduced to our guest judges. First up is Poppy, who I remain a little confused by, but at least it does seem like she knows her stuff when it comes to wrestling. Our second guest judge is everyone’s favorite Russian hooker: Katya! Wonderful.
The floor show begins!
Astrud
I like the mask and the tail, but otherwise, this didn’t really work for me. There’s a way Astrud’s bodysuits fit her that makes her looks seem a little saggy and unfinished. I hope she takes her notes and goes without one next week.
Filth: 
Horror: 
Glamour: 
Evah
Evah’s fading into the background again, which is such a shame because she really started out strong this season. I didn’t dislike this look as much as the judges did, but I wasn’t crazy about it. I wish she had gone so much bigger with the thighs. Fun make-up though!
Filth:
Horror:
Glamour:
HoSo
HoSo pointed out that her looks are usually matte, but I would say that this outfit makes a case for her playing around with some new textures and fabrics. Having more textural interest in her costuming really serves to highlight the shapes and structure of the pieces. I like it a lot. My only quibble is that I thought the mask could’ve been better.
Filth:
Horror:
Glamour:
Koco
I don’t care what the judges say; I loved this look. I know it was kind of simple, but it really worked for me and gave a stunning visual effect. Even her silhouette made me gasp when I first saw it. That breastplate is insane.
Filth:
Horror:
Glamour:
Melissa
This was perfect. Exactly what the challenge asked for while also bringing trademark Melissa glamour. The Chyna inspiration really shone through. A great week for Melissa.
Filth:
Horror:
Glamour:
Victoria
I loved this. Not only was the look itself amazing, deftly embodying both high glamour and low filth, but Mother Black’s performance was fantastic this week. I suspect the only reason she wasn’t at the top was to keep up the appearance of competition after she’s already won three challenges.
Filth:
Horror:
Glamour:
We’re treated to a little wrestling match, which is fun and chaotic. Highlights include Victoria bouncing off of Koco’s breastplate, a wig snatch, Melissa going fully feral, Evah calling Astrud “furry trash,” Astrud scurrying around like a lizard, and Victoria defeating Koco through vigorous simulated thrusting.
“Flop trash”
The Boulets deliberate. They love Victoria and Melissa, like Astrud and Koco’s performances but not their looks, and aren’t feeling HoSo or Evah.
When the ghouls come back to be judged, Koco brings up the idea that someone is sabotaging her things again. The other contestants seem skeptical. As expected, HoSo and Evah are at the bottom, and Melissa finally gets a win! Yes!
In the cauldron, tension runs high as everyone realizes that a strong competitor is probably going home this week. Astrud and HoSo have a long, weird heart-to-heart ending with a kiss while Koco fights with a straw. Evah makes a speech. HoSo makes a slightly better speech and it’s time for someone to be sent back to hell.
Except not really! HoSo and Astrud are both saved, which I’m not mad at. I wonder if it’s setting us up for a double elimination somewhere down the road, though.
Episode superlatives
Predicted elimination order: Astrud, Evah, Melissa, HoSo, Koco, Victoria (winner)
Most likely saboteur: Little Boulet
Best weird sexual tension: Koco and Victoria
Worst weird sexual tension: HoSo and Astrud
Best unexpected sexual tension: HoSo and Katya???
Best lines:
- “Victoria’s already heavy brain got to wear an even heavier crown.” – HoSo
- “Astrud wants to fight Melissa because Astrud’s a psychopath.” – Koco
- “Thank you all for being such wonderful victims and aggressors.” – Emmy the violence coach
- “I want to build my legs as big and ignorant as possible.” – Evah
- “Are lizards’ brains in their tail?” – Big Boulet
- “Tonight, she flopped. The performance was a dud. This look was a flop dud.” – Big Boulet
- “The look was crazy, performance was a little clunky, but I’d still f*ck you.” – Katya
- “I’m so glad you’re both gay and you’re both just…expressing it.” – Evah
- “I care most in the world that I get to show off my art. In its fullest. In its c*nt-est.” – HoSo
Best fight:
That’s it for this week, freaks! See you next Tuesday and, until then, sound off in the comments if you think I’m a genius or an idiot. Just remember: recapping is art and art is subjective.
