I Know What You Did Last Summer S1E7: “If Only Dogs Could Talk”

Well, it was bound to happen eventually.

After six episodes over four weeks of almost criminally well-paced, relentless thrills and chills, “If Only Dogs Could Talk” finds I Know What You Did Last Summer stumbling just a little bit as it nears the finish line.

It’s nothing overly bad, it’s just that “If Only Dogs Could Talk” is an episode that very much suffers from being The One Right Before The Season Finale. There’s still a lot that gets thrown at us this week, but there’s a very real sense of wheel-spinning to be found this week as the show wants to still save a fair amount of “oh my god” moments for next weeks finale.

The episode starts off with a particularly weird sequence. It’s a fever dream blend of the two different rituals relating to Lennon’s body: Clara’s ritualistic cleansing of Lennon’s body after retrieving it from the cave, and Alison carving her sister’s scars into her body to try and transform herself into Lennon. Interestingly enough we also get a brief glimpse of Lennon running towards the car that would end her life on the night of the accident, and from the look on her face, she’s either running towards them in hopes of getting help or hoping to kill herself. It’s left ambiguous as to what her intentions were, but I hope they’ll find some time to give us an answer during next week’s finale.

Margot, holding a pocket watch, standing to the left of Alison

Everyone is on edge at the beginning of “If Only Dogs Could Talk.” Margot is on a paranoid turn having convinced herself that Dylan is behind it all, and the rest of the townspeople have now leveled themselves up from “disgruntled town meeting” to “angry armed mob.” Once again, it falls on Bruce and Lyla to try and keep the peace, and while the two of them are able to disarm the situation, their conversation over coffee after the fact reveals another interesting tidbit: Lyla somehow knows that Bruce was once involved with the cult.

Meanwhile, “Lennon” gets a call back from her long-lost mother, who tells her not to contact her ever again, and finds out that her mother has a son now. She shares the news with Margot, and when Margot suggests finding a way to get back at her, she sends her mom a link to “Alison’s” obituary.

Bruce and “Lennon” talk things out regarding their recent conflict as well, with “Lennon” telling her dad about what has been happening since she found the goat head that had been put in her room. Bruce tells Lyla that there’s one place where Clara might be, leading the police to the cave where they find Riley’s body preserved in honey—and Clara’s body nearby. The police assume that Clara was the one behind the killings before committing suicide and decide that the situation is over. Dylan finally makes it back to Riley and “Lennon,” explaining that he had to crawl through one of the lava tubes to make it out before ominously telling them that “it’s over.”

Dylan standing in front of a couch with Alison on the left and Margot on the right

At this point, the episode decides to slam hard on the brakes and keep us there for the better part of ten minutes, which feels like an eternity for an episode of television that’s just shy of fifty minutes long. First, we get a memorial service being held for the victims of the previous few days. There’s not much substance to be found here, mostly just Dylan being weird and Margot coming clean about mukbanging again—and that her mother is sending her back to the clinic she had previously visited to treat her depression for another three week stretch of therapy.

Not to worry! We immediately jump ahead three weeks later after getting this news. Yes, there is a time skip right in the middle of this episode. It feels weird to have one in the middle, but it does give the town a false sense of security before the finale, and the “reunion” of Dylan, “Lennon” and Margot does feel super sweet. At some point during all this, Dylan admits to the other two that he had confronted Clara in the cave and “set her free,” and unless he’s deliberately trying to mislead us, it certainly sounds like he murdered her himself.

But the reunion isn’t happy for long, as this week claims another victim—one that is near and dear to my heart. Yes, sadly, no longer will I have the peak comedy that has been the whole Dylan/“Lennon” mess, as the tension building between them throughout the season finally reaches its, ahem, climax.

Am I sorry for that joke? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.

The two of them finally hook up, and “Lennon”—being a young adult and naturally making nothing but the best possible decisions all the time—decides that post doing the do snuggle time is the perfect moment to tell your longtime friend/love interest, “Oh hey funny story I’m actually the other twin. The one that you all thought has been dead the whole time? Ring any bells? Anyways, hiiiiii…“

Hashtag relatable, hashtag been there.

Dylan, understandably, does not take this news particularly well and storms off, especially after Alison—as I feel we can officially call her and drop the whole quotation marks thing—says that taking over Lennon’s life and identity is what her sister would have wanted, which is slightly weird.

Lyla standing next to Bruce, who is wearing a ceremonial lei

The next time we see him, he’s scraping Alison’s name off of the cave wall before heading down to the police station and insisting on talking to Lyla. What’s he going to tell her? One can only guess, but if this season has been anything to go by, it’s definitely not what I’m thinking he might have decided to come clean on.

But in between him leaving Alison’s and arriving at the police station, “If Only Dogs Could Talk” decides to drop two more bombshells on us. First off, Margot gets attacked. While going on a late-night snack run, a hooded figure suddenly appears in her house and throws/pushes her through the glass door out onto the patio. Her mother assumes that she tripped over the dog, now that it’s been three weeks of the killer supposedly being dead, and Margot isn’t going to tell her the truth about the attack out of fear of being sent back to the therapy retreat. Clearly, the killer is still out there—and won’t stop until they get whatever it is they’re after.

Secondly, Bruce goes back to Clara’s house, telling somebody on the phone to “stick to the story.” Who’s there to meet him? None other than Alison’s long-lost mother! She certainly looks like someone who’s been living a fairly comfortable life, neither she nor Bruce seems particularly happy that she’s back in town, and she is particularly not happy to have not heard about Lennon’s death from Bruce. Hopefully, her presence leads to some sort of revelation as to just what has been going on with the cult.

There’s nothing really wrong with “If Only Dogs Could Talk”, but it’s the first episode we’ve gotten so far that really feels uneven. It’s very clearly a setup for the final episode, and the middle section of the two celebrations feels like it drags on forever. It’s looking like we’re going to get a lot in the season finale, and I really hope that this show can stick the landing after this minor stumble.

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Written by Timothy Glaraton

College graduate. Horror enthusiast. Writer of things.

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