Lor Gislason
Before I get things kicked off, I’ll give a brief plot summary for Frankenstein’s Army: a group of Soviet soldiers around the end of WWII who have an amazing camera for the time period (making this a strange period-piece found footage film) just so happen to stumble across an army of reanimated and mutated Nazi soldiers—who have been brought back to life by a descendant of Victor Frankenstein. Chaos ensues.
Listen—this movie is not a masterpiece. I know that. But oh my god, is it fun, and has some of the most outlandish movie monsters I’ve ever seen. Canonically they’re called “Zombots”. It doesn’t get any better than that. Plus, Dr. Frankenstein is played by Karel Roden, AKA Rasputin from Guillermo Del Toro’s Hellboy. Let’s meet the family!
Machete Workers
The basic “infantry units” of the Zombots, Machete Workers have huge claws or blades on each arm. Their sole purpose is to mutilate whoever they come across, slicing and dicing and returning to Frankenstein’s lab with the parts to create more creatures just like them. Zombots are hastily put together and have little to no intelligence so I want to assume there’s a lot of accidents involved when you have a spinning death saw instead of a hand.
There’s variety among these fellas too; one has Freddy Krueger hands, another has serrated blades! The random dials, tubes, and gas masks add some accessorization. It’s important to remain fashionable.
Propeller Head
Look at this guy. It’s literally just a dude with an airplane propeller instead of a head! I cannot get over the idea of Dr. Frankenstein in his lab deciding to create this: “Guys, I have the best idea. Airplane Man.” And while it’s incredibly stupid, it’s also probably the strongest Zombot. It’s nearly unstoppable. The only way the soldiers are able to “defeat” it is by cutting the fuel pipe, which sprays fuel everywhere, and then the monster explodes. This also takes out a Nazi the Soviets have captured when a blade impales him in the head.
Razor Teeth
This one feels dumb upon first glance but hear me out—it’s basically impenetrable when his “iron maiden” head is closed! With a chest plate and giant shears for hands, it’s a winning combination. Unfortunately, I doubt you’d be able to see much of anything with your “head” closed. Flailing wildly might work for a little bit, but they’ll probably end up wandering around “open” and easily taken down with one shot in the head. Bonus points for this guy looking like he has a tiny smile on his face.
Dragger
The Dragger is not a very effective soldier. With no legs, it has to drag itself across the floor—thus, the name. There’s something that I find strangely cute about it, though. It looks like the little brother to the Machete Workers, always trying to catch up and never quite making it. “Wait for me! I’ll get there…eventually.” Okay, maybe I’m alone about finding it cute. The spikey head does kind of make me think perhaps it’s auditioning to be a backup member of Slipknot.
Hammerhead
The further the Soviet soldiers wander into the mad doctor’s lab, the less human the Zombots are. The hammerhead is barely recognizable as a person, just a conglomeration of mechanical parts and what appears to be metal bolted onto its skull to form the hammer shape. The orb-with-legs behind it in this picture are called Eva’s Ass Pod. I’m not joking. Can you imagine being the guy who shows up to work to play this part? Do you put that on your resume?
Mosquito Man
The most well-known of the Zombots and featured in trailers and on the posters, Mosquito Man has a lot going on. Their hands and feet have been replaced with metal rods, giving them extra height and maneuverability. Their gas mask ends in a long drill and gives off a sinister Plague Doctor vibe. I’m surprised it can accomplish anything with the stilt arms and legs, but it does end up sneaking up behind one of the soldiers, killing him by drilling into his head. Did they not hear it coming? I have a proposal to make it even more stealthy: tennis balls on his feet.
Dr. Frankenstein isn’t even a Nazi himself, in fact, he rebelled against them and is just using dead soldiers to experiment on. His goal is to end the war by combining a Soviet and Nazi brain! I have no idea how he expected that to work. Unfortunately (spoilers?) the movie ends with the entire lab being bombed and the Zombots destroyed, so we’ll never know how it would have turned out.
Frankenstein’s Army is a completely ridiculous film, but it’s also a testament to creating something just for the hell of it. The effort that went into each costume and practical effect is inspiring. I feel like this would have been a blast to work on.
